Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
