it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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