hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
