I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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