hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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