i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
