are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
