Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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