i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
