ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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