I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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