Apparently you make a good broom.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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