so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
