God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sober January is a disaster.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
