Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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