Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
