I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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