I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
