You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
