This is not my ceiling
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize