Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize