how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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