i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
