The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
