Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
