If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
