Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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