..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
