She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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