As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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