I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
