you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
