i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
