addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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