Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
