For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
