woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
