she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
