My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
