I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
