I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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