Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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