did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
