he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
