How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
