cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize