i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
