Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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