I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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