I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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