i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
