so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
