so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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