Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
