May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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