I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
