If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
