I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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