We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize