my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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