i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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