He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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