I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
