note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
