the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
