I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
