i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
