Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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