I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
