There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
40s are totally the cure
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
