The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
