thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
