I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
