Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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